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in December 1992, a bloody and highly illegal event took place
in the historic “Cow’s Arse Inn”, less than
300 yards
from The Roman Wall. Rory Typhoon and Bad Bob Bates, celebrated
bare knuckle boxers, met to settle who would raise the legendary
White Ferret Cup in triumph, and be hailed as the hardest
bloke in the North of England. They had each spent the night
on the moors in cap sleeved T-Shirts preparing for the fight
by rubbing themselves thoroughly in sheep dung and rabbit
droppings – this was to be a big event.
After
36 rounds, 42 bottles of brown ale and much blood letting,
both men were still standing. As their breath whistled in
and out of their shattered teeth they simultaneously spotted
two of Jimi Hendrix’s old ruined guitars behind the
bar (he would regularly enter the Cow’s Arse following
drug crazed evenings in Newcastle clubs in the late sixties)
and the fight was forgotton. Talk turned to whether or not
Jimi was a ponced up nancy or a hard as nails high string
gauge sort of a fella.
They
agreed that string gauge less than a .013 was for girls, so
that settled the argument over the frilly shirted American.
The contest was put to one side and the duo vowed to form
the hardest guitar based r’n’b/rock band the world
had ever seen.
A
bassist was needed. Whalebone Pete’s contract as “ghost-bassist”
with The Who and Motörhead was coming to a close. Playing
off stage while John Entwistle and Lemmy mimed for the adulation
of the audience was wearing thin. Bad Bob had come across
him before, and the promise of a transit van and all the fish
he could eat snagged Whalebone straight away.
The
trio came across Brad Dolphin living rough with a pack of
stray dogs in Dussledorf on New Year’s Eve, 1992. He
was banging out a rhythm with his forelegs as he scratched
his genitals with his rear ones. This was just what the boys
had been looking for, so the feral boy was in and The Bandits
were born! Music would never be the same again.
Long
term Bandit roadie JC took the long walk during 2004, now
roadying for Jimmy Hendrix, Joe Strummer and the rest of them
up there—much missed. Later that year, Sid Sparks gradually
took on the role of sound, lights, technician extraordinaire
and transport. No pictures of Sid exist, and no-one quite
knows why.
Rory
left in September 2004 to further his interest in soft furnishings,
only to return In August 2006 wearing a large hat and sandals
with socks on, and then leave again in December stating "I've
eaten enough eggs for any man"...
The
Bandits and the Spark continue to stalk the pubs, clubs, arenas
and bike rallies in search of the ultimate twang and a fair
amount of that beer stuff…
Watch
out. Lock up your mothers. They could be near you soon. |
